Let’s Talk About The Importance of Communication In A D/s Relationship. (For dummies)

Communication. The word is so simple right? I touched on communication in My last Blog reiterating that “communication is key” when it comes to the success and stability of a D/s relationship. In this Blog we are going to break down the importance of communication down into simple terms that even the dumbest of dumb dumbs can understand. Ready? Good. Let’s get into the Blog.

Let’s start with a simple definition that even the biggest morons can understand.

Communication: The active process of exchanging information, ideas, thoughts, and emotions between two individuals or groups through speech, signals, writing, or behavior. Communication involves a sender transmitting a message to a receiver, and receiver receiving that information and reciprocating aiming to create shared meaning and understanding.

Got it? Good. It’s not that hard of a concept to grasp. So now let’s talk about why it’s so hard for some subs to communicate. Just kidding, that’s not My problem it’s theirs. It would take way too long to psychoanalyze all the potential things that go on in a submissives mind and I have better things to do with My Time! This Blog is going to be simple and to the point. Any Relationship vanilla, BDSM, or otherwise cannot survive without communication. That should be common sense, but unfortunately for some of you, well you lack that. Almost all subs” will go through the destructive “sub cycle” at some point while in an active Dynamic with their Domme. Whether the sub ever breaks that cycle or not depends on if they ever learn to fully communicate and take accountability for their actions or not. (If you still don’t know what the “sub cycle” is read my older Blogs, I believe I did at least two fully on the subject at minimum, and no I’m not going to link all of them because I have better things to do with My Time and you are supposed to be the servant here. Not Me. But here is one of the Blogs for reference The sub-Cycle. Conflict subs face while serving. (Basic Blog#19) you will also find the “toxic sub cycle” diagram below for reference. If you wish to dive further into the subject, read the Blogs.

The “Toxic” sub cycle By IcyQueenO

Now where were we… Right. Communication.

Communication is simple. you communicate your thoughts and feelings to your Goddess under any and all circumstances. Is work stressing you out? Tell Her. Is something going on with your family? Tell Her. Are you financially struggling or otherwise? Tell Her. Is there something about the D/s dynamic that’s making your uncomfortable? Tell Her. your Domme is NOT a mindreader, and neither are you. So yes, communication needs to come from both sides. If you aren’t comfortable giving out sensitive information, honestly understandable. If you have boundaries and limits you don’t ever want to cross? Also understandable, but you need to be able to communicate your feelings effectively, so your Goddess knows that there is something bothering you. Ghosting is never the answer. Why? Because ghosting solves nothing. It’s the cowards way out, it hurts feelings and disrespects the entire D/s relationship, your connection, and your Domme. Plus, if you had any common sense you would know that when a sub “ghosts” that they are never fully free from their Goddess. The invisible tie always remains. Once connected to Goddess. Always connected to Goddess.

Now, to dumb down the importance of communication even further let’s create some scenarios where communication is absolutely necessary, because it is very apparent that the majority of subby brains are missing the crucial processing part of their brain in these scenarios. you should be so thankful you have Goddess to do the thinking for you here.

Scenario 1: you (the sub) is feeling ovewhelmed by ______.

Step 1: Communicate to your Goddess that you are feeling overwhelmed by _______.

Step 2: Receive your Goddess’s guidance.

Step 3: If you’re still feeling overwhelmed by ________ communicate it again. If you still need ___ days to process your feelings and regain equilibrium. Ask your Goddess. She will almost always give it to you. (Never ghost. Why? Because ghosting is breaking communication and a breech of trust within the relationship. Ghosting causes a rift, it can also cause resentment from your Domme. If/when you do resurface you can’t just act like nothing happened, because something did. you damaged the level of trust in your relationship. you need to be able to take accountability for your actions, and yes, that means you will need to apologize properly, communicate the reason for your disappearance, and also express your unresolved feelings. This all could be avoided by learning how communicate like a good boy in the first place.)

Step 4: After communicating with (or not communicating after ghosting) your Domme will come up with a solution that works best for the relationship, whether that is to give the sub more time to process emotions/feelings, or finding a solution that eases the subs feelings of being overwhelmed. (If you ghosted your Domme will also be likely consequences/punishment even after you apologize to restore power balance. The Domme may even end the relationship if this behaviour has occurred more than once before in the past. At the end of the day a D/s relationship is supposed to provide the Domme with stability and pleasure, not pain.)

So that’s Scenario 1’s Problem solved. That wasn’t so hard now was it?

Scenario 2: you ghosted Goddess for an extended period of time and don’t know how to reapproach Goddess to make things right.

Step 1: Stop lurking. Lurking, fantasizing and replaying scenarios inside your head doesn’t solve anything, it just causes more distance, and it will also make you (the sub) feel more overwhelmed. (Plus you’re miserable without Goddess too aren’t you?)

Step 2: Gather your thoughts. Once your thoughts are gathered, crawl out of the hole that you’ve been hiding in and re-approach Goddess in a respectful manner. (It’s really that simple, what’s the worst that can happen? Being told to fuck off? 😂)

Step 3: Proceed to explain your absence/bad behavior/the reason for it. (Communicate) There is no way to move forward leaving words unsaid, whether the outcome is moving forward together or your Domme choosing to close the chapter for good.

Step 4: Learn how to communicate moving forward. If you don’t your entire life will end up being one huge disappointment. Ghosting is the cowards way out, especially when it’s possible that you share such an intense connection with your Domme. Remember: There are likely unresolved feelings on both ends. If you truly care for your Domme you will break the cycle and learn to communicate moving forward. Goddess comes first, never forget that.

Scenario 3: your financial situation (Employment or otherwise) changes and the current dynamic is no longer sustainable. (If your D/s relatioship involves a Findom component, a contract, TPE or a spreadsheet/budget)

Step 1: Communicate the change of status to your Goddess respectfully. S

Step 2: your Domme will help you (the sub) navigate this new change in your life and will make changes to the structure of your relationship, finances, and expenses. you need to trust your Dommes guidance. (A D/s relationship is only beneficial when it’s sustainable, so if your Domme values the D/s relationship She will restructure the financial part of the relationship to keep the relationship going. A loss of income should never be a D/s relationship death sentence. If it is, you chose to serve the wrong “domme.”)

Step 3: The D/s relationship continues to thrive under the new found balance.

Scenario 4: you (the sub) are in chastity and discomfort is becoming unbearable/you’re in physical pain

Step 1: Communicate your discomfort and concerns to your Goddess. Chastity shouldn’t be “comfortable” but the pain shouldn’t be “unbearable” either.

Step 2: your Domme will assess the situation and determine whether or not the cage needs to be removed or whether you are just frustrated with being denied release.

Step 3: If the chastity device is causing actual harm to the sub it will be removed, and other means of “chastity” will be used until a more permanent and comfortable situation can be determined. If the subs discomfort is purely from orgasm denial, there are other potential solutions. Continued denial, or a penalty to paid for example. (But these are just hypothetical “solutions.” If you want to really experience chastity with Goddess, you know what to do. ) A solution will always be found when the sub is open to communicating like a good boy.

I could honestly go on and on with potential scenarios but at the end of the day, one thing remains the constant in all these scenarios. Communicate! If you don’t communicate your relationship with your Domme will fail to progress, your Domme may grow resentful of you and eventually the relationship will die completely. The only way to make a D/s relationship work long term is with communication from both sides! This shouldn’t even have to be said but so many of your are so cum brained that your lack basic social skills. good boys are thankful to have the privilege of serving their Domme.

Anyways, at the end of the day, if there’s ever something on your mind, don’t bottle it up inside your stupid subby head. (And don’t ghost either it solves nothing) Talk to your Domme. She is there to guide you for a reason. your Domme wants what’s best for you, and your D/s relationshipp. As a sub, you can’t be trusted to figure things out on your own, and you know that too. you’re so lost without your Goddess. Remember subbies, good boys communicate. And Communication is so hot.

Until Next Time

Goddess Liv